News of the Weird by the Editors at Andrews McMeel Syndication

LEAD STORY -- Least Competent Criminals

If you're trying to smuggle a half-kilo of cocaine through airport security, you might want to try harder than an unnamed middle-aged man from Colombia, who was detained in late June at Barcelona-El Prat airport in Spain, according to Spanish police. The man arrived at the airport on a flight from Bogota and seemed nervous -- and no wonder, what with a comically "oversized toupee" under his hat, Reuters reported. Spanish police searched him and found a bundle of cocaine, worth about $34,000, taped to his head. [Reuters via The Telegraph, 7/16/2019]

Precocious

Four Australian kids took running away from home to a new level on July 13 when they wrote a goodbye note and absconded with cash, fishing gear and an SUV belonging to one of their parents. The three boys and one girl, aged 10 to 14, left Rockhampton in Queensland and headed south to Grafton, a trip of more than 600 miles. Along the way, they twice bought gas without paying and survived a short police chase in New South Wales, which was terminated by the highway patrol "due to age of the driver and road conditions," Acting Police Inspector Darren Williams told Fox News. Around 10:30 p.m. on July 14, police finally caught up with the kids, who locked the doors and refused to exit the car. An officer broke a window with a baton to gain entry. The young thieves will be charged, but they couldn't be questioned until their parents showed up. [Fox News, 7/14/2019]

The Not-So-Friendly Skies

-- A Delta Airlines flight from Puerto Rico to New York was forced to return to San Juan on July 3 after Carlos Ramirez, 30, "became unruly," Reuters reported. "I am God!" Ramirez shouted, according to Puerto Rican police. "San Juan is going to disappear tomorrow. I came to save the world, and I am going to end terrorism." Flight attendants and passengers restrained the man until the plane could land, then Puerto Rico police took him into custody. The cockpit remained secure during the fracas. [Reuters, 7/3/2019]

-- In southwest London, as an unidentified man sunbathed in his backyard on June 30, he was startled by the body of another man that apparently fell from an airplane, landing just three feet away in his garden. Police believe the body was that of a stowaway on a Kenya Airways flight, who fell out as the plane lowered its wheels on the approach to Heathrow Airport, some 10 miles away. The resident "didn't even realize what it was to begin with. He was asleep and then there was a huge impact," a neighbor told Reuters. A Kenya Airways spokesperson said the 4,250-mile flight from Nairobi takes about nine hours, and upon arrival at Heathrow, workers found a bag, water and food in the plane's landing gear compartment. The stowaway has not been identified. [Reuters, 7/2/2019]

Crime Report

-- Police in Seguin, Texas, arrested Delissa Navonne Crayton, 47, on July 10 in her home after finding her mother's skeletal remains lying on the floor in one of the home's bedrooms, CNN reported. Investigators believe that Jacqueline Louise Crayton died in 2016 a few days after falling in her room and hitting her head. She would have been about 71 years old at the time of the fall, and officials charge her daughter did not "provide adequate assistance," resulting in the woman's death. The younger Crayton and her daughter, who at the time was under 15 years old, lived in other rooms of the house for about three years while the mother's body deteriorated. Crayton was charged with "injury to a child under 15 through recklessly, by omission, causing a serious mental deficiency, impairment or injury." Seguin police and Texas Rangers expect other charges to be filed. [CNN, 7/15/2019]

-- When Flagler County (Florida) Sheriff's officers pulled over Derick McKay, 36, for speeding on July 11, they noticed he seemed ... uncomfortable, and although the deputies smelled marijuana, he denied having anything illegal. But when McKay got to the police station (having been arrested for driving on a suspended license), he admitted that he did have some narcotics hidden between his buttocks. Indeed, Fox 43 reported, McKay produced more than a dozen small baggies, including: a baggie of crack, eight baggies of heroin, two baggies of Molly, a baggie of marijuana, 12 Lortab pills and 12 Oxycodone pills. [Fox 43, 7/15/2019]

Creepy Creepers Creeping People Out

Women -- and men -- in Claverham, Somerset, England, are watching their backs as they walk at night, thanks to a man wearing a rubbery "gimp suit" who has been approaching and chasing people, according to the BBC. On July 11, an unnamed woman in her 20s was "walking along with my torch and looked up to see someone charging at me in a full black rubbery suit," she told the news service. "He kept coming toward me and was touching his groin, grunting and breathing heavy." She pushed and screamed at the man, who turned and ran in the other direction. Avon and Somerset police have increased patrols in the area in order to identify the man responsible. [BBC, 7/14/2019]

Techno-Weird

The New York Post reported on July 14 that more than 4,000 Swedes have willingly had microchips implanted in their hands to replace credit cards and cash. The chips also help people monitor their health and can be programmed to allow access into buildings. Jowan Osterlund, a former body piercer who pioneered the chips, says the technology is safe. But British scientist Ben Libberton, based in Sweden, said he worries that people aren't considering the potential dangers, including the unwitting dissemination of data about a person. "Do I get a letter from my insurance company saying premiums are going up before I know I’m ill?" he wondered. [New York Post, 7/14/2019]

Bright Idea

Rapper, sports agent and self-proclaimed "Mr. Alabama" Kelvin James Dark, 37, of Talladega, Alabama, was arrested in Atlanta, Georgia, on July 10 after allegedly throwing multiple kilograms of suspected methamphetamine off a high-rise balcony onto a street below. In a press release titled "It's Raining Meth," the Georgia Bureau of Investigation said its agents were searching the property as part of a smuggling investigation when the drugs went overboard. Agents were able to recover the drugs, valued at an estimated $250,000, and also found two semi-automatic rifles, a handgun, marijuana valued at $60,000 and a "substantial" amount of cash, AL.com reported. Dark and 33-year-old Tiffany Peterson of Atlanta were arrested for trafficking meth and marijuana, among other charges. [AL.com, 7/14/2019]

Really, If You're Going to Get Drunk, Just Stay Home

Roger Bridenolph, 49, of Springdale, Arkansas, was arrested on July 15 after a puzzling series of events. First, Bridenolph verbally assaulted a cashier at a Dollar Tree store, then stole a box of Ore-Ida Bagel Bites, pushing a manager out of the way to get out of the store, according to an arrest report. When the manager followed him, KFSM reported, Bridenolph hit him in the head with the box of frozen snacks. Taking his show on the road, Bridenolph headed next door to a Wendy's restaurant, where he slapped a woman. When police arrived, they struggled to handcuff Bridenolph, but ultimately arrested him for robbery, second-degree assault, resisting arrest, public intoxication and disorderly conduct. [KFSM, 7/15/2019]

Ewwwww

This summer's "who's pooping in the pool?" mystery is taking place in the Buckingham Woods neighborhood pool in Macomb Township near Detroit. The serial offender has caused the pool to close several times, and the neighborhood association is taking action -- and taking names. "We are reviewing attendance logs and recorded video," a July 12 statement read, according to the Detroit Free Press. And the Macomb County Health Department is working with the pool to keep the water free of pathogens such as E. coli. Further, the association has hired a pool attendant to be on-site through the end of summer. (UPDATE: On July 18, the association announced the offending swimmer had been identified and banned, saying it is now "looking at the various options for restitution.") [Detroit Free Press, 7/16/2019]

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