DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a church-group friend with whom I share a weekly social video visit. We are retired, have much in common, are generous in helping each other, and laugh a lot.
However, now that her political party is out of power, she has been interrupting me often, and she patronizes me if I respond to her diatribes with civility and kindness. She has made presumptuous and negative statements that I consider verbally abusive.
She has said that I am told what to think and do, while she has the actual facts. This, to a woman with an international career and a daily habit of scanning the news in six international papers, in two languages!
I feel that she has now expressed the contempt she actually had for me all along, and wonder how you recommend handling this.
GENTLE READER: Have you tried asking (civilly and kindly) for a ban on discussing politics?
And it doesn’t work?
Next method is to refrain from arguing, and instead to encourage your friend to elaborate on her statements and explain her feelings. Questions should be asked in a neutral tone: Where did you hear that? Have you investigated it? Have you always felt this way? Does your family feel the same way?
That might not work, either. In that case, Miss Manners agrees that it is best not handled. Perhaps when you meet again in person, the friendship can resume if the lady is more respectful.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)