DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been thinking about whether or not my gift to a charity in a couple’s name was rude. The wedding couple had requested no gifts, but to make a donation to a specific charity instead. They included a box at the reception in which to place donations.
I could not support the charity’s mission. After careful thought, I made a donation in the couple’s name to a highly respected local charity, whose mission is not controversial.
I never received a thank-you, and I wonder if I have offended. Should I have just not sent a gift?
GENTLE READER: As Miss Manners does not believe that presents are fungible, she sees no harm in either following the couple’s desire not to receive anything or in substituting a real gift.
Substituting a different charity was an unfortunate middle ground. It underlines your unhappiness with the intended charity while forgoing your opportunity either to claim that you could not contain your generous impulse to give them something for themselves, or to claim that you were never good at following directions.
At this point, the wisest course is to acknowledge that the wedding is over and act as if everything is fine.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)