DEAR MISS MANNERS: I take offense when I give someone a gift or a tip and their response is, “Thanks, but that’s not necessary.”
Of course it’s not necessary. I stay quiet because I don’t want, in turn, to offend the person. However, it sometimes feels like a criticism.
Perhaps I’m too thin-skinned. I realize a person may feel uncomfortable when receiving something unexpected, but what about, “This is a surprise! Thank you”?
What are your thoughts?
GENTLE READER: That people receiving unexpected presents think that they are being gracious by acting demure. Miss Manners recommends that you indulge them, although you may certainly tell them that it was your intention to please them -- dialing up the degree of hurt and confusion depending on how convincing they are.
If the recipient rebuffs a gratuity, however, you may have found yourself in the rare circumstance where it is genuinely not expected -- or even allowed. In the first case, you should respect modesty, indulging it as pride and a strong work ethic, even if you choose to ultimately ignore such protests. In the second, you should take note. Pressing forward could actually get someone fired.