DEAR MISS MANNERS: My new upstairs neighbors do not seem to understand that this is an old building with paper-thin walls. On occasion, when they are feeling amorous, it gets quite loud.
The first time it happened, I mentioned, right after they, um, finished and then went outside, that the walls are paper-thin and neighbors can hear quite a bit. I didn’t reference exactly what their activities were -- I didn’t want to embarrass either them or myself.
Last night, same thing. So I sent the boy an email and asked if he couldn’t perhaps keep the noise of his “activities” down, and I copied his landlady. (Our bylaws state that tenants are the responsibility of the landlords, but also, she told us BEFORE he moved in that she wanted to be apprised of any issues.) Problem: His landlady is also his mother.
Anyway, he responded with a Bible verse from Matthew to the effect of “judge not lest ye be judged” (which was weird as I don’t receive visitors here), and the landlady/mom responded with an offer for his -- the tenant’s -- cell number so we can discuss this on the phone.
I’m not sure that it merits discussion. It was uncomfortable and awkward for me to bring it up. It seems to me that sex is something between two consenting adults, not two consenting adults and their non-consenting neighbor. For now, I’m resigned to noise-canceling earphones, but do you possibly have any suggestions?
GENTLE READER: Appeal to his mother -- rather than to his landlady. Both of them seem to be in denial about the nature of the noises -- but it is likely the mother who is truly avoiding the discussion.
Miss Manners suggests that without going into detail, you thank the landlady/mom for the cellphone number, but politely indicate to her that this is a delicate and personal situation that needs a mother’s input. And then thank the young man for his Bible verse by quoting back those bylaws.