DEAR MISS MANNERS: Often when I’ve visited other people’s homes for the first time (and not to stay overnight), they have offered to give me a tour of their house. It has always made me slightly uncomfortable to be shown the private areas of the home, like the host’s bedroom. I do like to be shown where the bathroom is, but otherwise, I feel like I’m invading their privacy.
We just moved into a new home. I know it is not required, but is it expected that I give first-time visitors ”the tour”? What if they ask? Moreover, our house is a bit more grand than those of most of my family and friends, so it feels a little bit like rubbing it in their faces: “Check out our giant closets,” etc.
GENTLE READER: The feeling that you don’t belong in another person’s bedroom should not be disregarded lightly. Whatever the owner’s motivation in showing it to you, the method of avoiding it, if not the consequence of seeing it, is the same: Change the subject, if possible (“You know, I would love to use the bathroom now, if I may”). Otherwise, postpone (“Perhaps later?”).
The same works for hosts: “This is not a good time. We don’t want anyone to get hurt by falling boxes.” Miss Manners recognizes the illogic of her excuse, but dares anyone to inquire further.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)