DEAR MISS MANNERS: In a conversation with my mother yesterday -- she is in her early 80s, and I in my early 60s -- we were discussing a wedding invitation that my brother and his wife received. She said that she deduced that my brother’s grown son, who lives with his parents, was not invited to the wedding. She told me that the envelope was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Joe Blow and did not include “and family.”
That part isn’t the problem. I was horrified that my sister-in-law did not merit the use of her own first name.
My mother is very accepting of changing times. By her word, ideas and voice, one would never guess her age, but I was very surprised that she still thought that was appropriate.
I have been married for 30 years and retained my own last name. Naturally, some people assume I have my husband’s last name, but if I were addressed as if I did not have my own first name, I would find that extremely offensive. To my recall, that has never happened.
My mother insisted (surprisingly for her) that this is still “how it is done.” Can you weigh in on whether this antiquated form of address is still appropriate? We’ve elected you as arbitrator.
GENTLE READER: Both forms are “done”; we allow a choice. Foolishly, Miss Manners realizes, because then people like you decide that not using the form you prefer is an insult.