DEAR MISS MANNERS: I sent my godson a card with a gift of money for his 17th birthday. He never contacted me to say thank you. His mom (my very good friend) called me about two weeks after his birthday just to talk and, during the conversation, thanked me for the gift of money.
This is not the first time this has happened, and I get upset each time. He, not his mom, should call me or send me a written thank-you. I feel it is the parent’s responsibility to teach their children this basic concept, but my friend hasn’t and it bothers me.
How do I approach wanting a thank-you from him, and not his mom, without offending my friend? He is a great kid and very well-mannered; however, I feel he is old enough to thank me himself.
GENTLE READER: You approach him. Understandably, you do not want a surrogate to respond to your present, so do not use that surrogate to register your complaint.
“Caleb, dear,” you say, “your mother told me that you got my check. But you’ve never told me if it was welcome. If I don’t get any direct feedback from you, I have no way of knowing whether you were pleased.”
Miss Manners suggests the use of the word “feedback,” because it is so familiar from social media. And she trusts that you are aware of the latent threat there.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)