DEAR MISS MANNERS: If one were to get food on one’s eyeglasses while one is wearing them, should one use a napkin to clean them? Or another item, such as a microfiber cloth or handkerchief?
This has yet to happen to me in a public setting, but I am curious if this question has a definitive answer.
GENTLE READER: Would you mind telling Miss Manners how you propose to squirt your food onto your eyeglasses? Much as she admires your prudence in preparing for such a possibility, she cannot come up with a scenario.
Surely you know that when squeezing a lemon onto a dish, you should aim the juicy part downwards. And that you should not drop dumplings into your soup from a great height. Or pitch too zealously into your grapefruit.
But you wanted an answer. All right. It is: Remove your glasses. Do not sit there with gravy dripping from your face, pretending that nothing happened. If you cannot wipe them inconspicuously, go to the bathroom and do so.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our wedding got canceled, but we got married anyway at city hall. My husband and I plan on having the reception next year, once things settle down.
I do very much want to have the father-daughter dance and a chance to wear my wedding dress. We plan to stage photos. We are not asking for gifts, just for family and friends to attend.
We have gotten some pushback; people are saying it will be “fake” and that it is tacky for me to wear my dress after I will have been married for a year.
We could have just rescheduled the wedding, but we needed to get married for health care since my husband has an illness and lost his job.
This criticism is very hurtful. I didn’t get to have my father walk me down the aisle, and I want to dance with him. Are we out of line?
GENTLE READER: Consider how this is perceived in regard to costume jewelry: It is only “fake” if it is pretending to be what it is not. But it can be lovely in itself if it is frankly what it is.
To pretend that you and your husband are actually getting married would not only be asking your guests to participate in a charade, it would also undercut the seriousness of the vows you actually took -- as if they didn’t count unless accompanied by the customary hoopla.
Yet Miss Manners -- and, she is guessing, people who care about you -- could be touched by your sentimentality if it is frankly stated. You cannot squeeze this into formal invitations, so, when the time comes, write a letter to explain the delayed reception to which you are inviting people.
It would be something like, “Having been unable to celebrate our wedding with you last summer, Oliver and I request the pleasure of your company now that it is possible to gather safely at a reception. We hope you will indulge our desire to enjoy some of the wedding customs we missed. When else would I get a chance to wear my wedding dress?”
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, firstname.lastname@example.org; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)