DEAR MISS MANNERS: I frequently travel for work, and often stay with local hosts rather than in hotels. I am a low-maintenance guest, and kind to my hosts. I thank them in person, and also, when possible, by name at the events where I am a speaker. I also send a personal and sincere message of thanks by email afterward.
But does that note of thanks afterward need to be handwritten? If so, can it be a card left in the bedroom where I’ve been staying, or must it be mailed?
Also, does etiquette require a gift for my hosts? I’ve been trying to think of something appropriate for hosts I may not know, whose personal tastes are a mystery, and that’s small enough to fit into compact air luggage.
GENTLE READER: Your understandable confusion is caused by the melange of business and personal manners. Were you visiting a friend, it would be reasonable to reciprocate your hosts’ hospitality with more than a letter: inviting them out to dinner and sending a present. Presumably, you can guess your friends’ tastes.
But you are working. Your hosts -- and Miss Manners does not mean to lessen their generosity -- are making a donation to the cause. Presents are not necessary, but a handwritten letter, sent after you return home -- leaving it in the room suggests that you have a supply to hand out -- would be extremely gracious.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)