DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am hosting an Easter event, and my boyfriend and I have an etiquette conflict. I want to include gift bags with handwritten “thank you for attending” notes, but he doesn’t think it’s a good idea.
Allow me to expand: We host an annual Easter celebration. The duration of the party is from 1 p.m. to 5 p.m. Guests are instructed to bring a side dish, and we provide the main entree. Our activities, besides the food, include an egg hunt (for children and adults), an egg race (for children only) and egg decorating (also for children).
GENTLE READER: It is not Miss Manners’ job to discourage the writing of letters of thanks. Considering how often she has to chastise people for not doing so, it makes her dizzy.
But the gentleman is right that there is something not quite right about hosts writing to thank their guests for attending. It is fine for them to do so as the guests leave. But the next day is the time to reflect on what a great party the hosts threw, and the hosts themselves can hardly do that.
If the hosts beat them to expressing gratitude, it seems like prompting. And for occasions associated with presents -- for which the hosts should certainly express thanks -- it will seem like dunning.
Besides, although you are organizing this event, you and he are not the sole hosts. Requesting food donations means it is a cooperative party.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)