DEAR MISS MANNERS: Out of the blue, one of the women from my church offered to give me a small sum of money every month if I would quit smoking. She said she had been considering sponsoring a child overseas, but had realized she could do this as a more local, and therefore more satisfying, charity.
She knows how very little money I have, and went on to say that this idea had the advantages of my “earning” the assistance, of quitting being good for my health, and of my not coming to church smelling like cigarettes.
I was speechless, although not smoking certainly has much to recommend it, and I would be grateful for your expert assistance. What on Earth might I have said, beyond the involuntary reaction that nearly escaped my lips?
GENTLE READER: Your fellow churchgoer has accused you of poor judgment and smelling bad while comparing you to a starving orphan.
Miss Manners does not doubt that she meant well. But her behavior was insulting -- and offering you money was itself an insult in the context you describe.
However, as it is rude to return one insult with another, the only proper response is to say, “Thank you, but I do not accept charity,” and pointedly return your attention to the church service -- or anything else that will end the conversation.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)