DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter’s in-laws host small parties, and extend invitations to me through my daughter, saying to her, “Tell your dad he’s invited.”
The in-laws have my phone number and are known to send texts. Is it too much to expect a phone call, or even a simple text, directly from the hosts for such invitations? Do such indirect invitations reflect an insincere wish for my attendance, perhaps just for the sake of maintaining appearances?
GENTLE READER: They do show a lack of effort. It is up to you to question -- delicately -- whether they show a lack of sincerity.
Next time your daughter relays the message, tell her that you appreciate that they do not want to exclude you. But you are old-fashioned enough to recognize that these invitations are merely an afterthought, and you therefore will not be burdening them by attending. Your daughter will attempt to convince you that you are mistaken. Assure her that you are not complaining, that you like them very much -- and that you will certainly accept any direct invitations.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)