DEAR MISS MANNERS: When a colleague informs us of taking time off to attend a funeral, is there a polite way to ask who died?
GENTLE READER: Because you want to issue a more personal and heartfelt condolence? Or to find out if the relationship with the deceased genuinely merits missing work?
Miss Manners is trying not to suspect the latter. But “I am so sorry. Were you close?” should politely cover both options. She warns you to resist persisting further, however, if the answer is simply “yes.”
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)