DEAR MISS MANNERS: For the third year in a row, my close friend has emailed me a list of gift ideas for her child. This list is also sent to various other friends and family, in plenty of time before the occasion.
I have never asked for gift ideas for her child. As I live very far away, I am unable to attend any of the child’s birthday parties. Nor am I able to afford a gift, as I have been looking for a job for more than a year now.
The receipt of such an email gives me the impression that I am expected to give this child a present, but I really can’t afford it and am embarrassed to say so. How should I respond? Should she even be sending such an email?
GENTLE READER: Sympathetic as she is to your employment situation, it does not alter Miss Manners’ opinion about your friend’s behavior or how to handle it. Sending a list of desired gifts is presumptuous and rude.
As you do not want to break off the friendship, ignoring the rudeness is the politest course -- and requires no defense on your part. If your friend is pushy enough to inquire, thank her for providing the list -- and leave it at that.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)