DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was generally not treated well during childhood. I was plain, and was also a very quiet, shy, bookish kid who simply would not fight back. I suffered brutal bullying -- including serious physical abuse, mocking, name-calling and social isolation -- at school, at home and in the neighborhood where I grew up. I was friendless and blamed for my lot by my family, rather than helped to manage things better.
Away from the stress and sadness of that life, I did blossom into a pretty young woman and, with the positive attention that won me, was able to put my unhappy past where it belonged -- for the most part, anyway. I was able to learn the skills needed to get along in this world. Now that I’m middle-aged, people who know me describe me as sweet, kind, thoughtful, giving and polite, though still shy and quiet.
In my heart, I forgive the people who made things so difficult for me, but I have no wish to socialize with them, either.
Former classmates and neighbors approach me to sort of apologize for their past treatment of me, and to let me know how wonderful everyone from the old neighborhood is now. How do I politely make it understood that, while I hold no grudge, I am just not interested in reliving that pain?
GENTLE READER: The trick, Miss Manners assures you, is to use your skills: the quietness and shyness that you have always had, combined with the firmness you learned later.
Politely acknowledge what your classmate or neighbor says without elaborating, responding, or showing either interest or anger. Then, before they can elaborate, excuse yourself -- by crossing the room, not answering the follow-up email, or not friending them on social media -- and go on with your new life.