DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I got married a little over a month ago, I did not register for gifts. We were surprised and delighted by some homemade presents and useful objects, some generous donations on our behalf, and some cards and cash.
But about one-third of our guests gave us nothing -- not even a card with well wishes. I was prepared for “no registry” to be read as “no gifts,” but I was surprised that so many attended without even bringing a card.
I’ve heard that wedding guests have a year to give a gift; do we need to wait a year to see if one is given? Or should we send notes thanking them for attending when we send thank-yous for the gifts and cards? I’m worried that will come off as a reminder to pony up a present.
GENTLE READER: Yes, it will, but that seems to be your intention.
When you decided to forgo a registry, Miss Manners fondly believed that you were that rare bride who does not believe her wedding to be an opportunity to shop at other people’s expense. And she was glad that you appreciated receiving thoughtful presents. Please do not spoil this by focusing on getting more loot.
Yes, wedding presents may be given -- or not -- within a year after the ceremony. But hosts do not normally write to thank guests, and there is no point in wedding guests handing over cards.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)