DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attend a very liberal college, and many of my classmates are passionate about decreasing the taboo surrounding mental illness. While I support this cause in spirit, I’m bothered by some of its symptoms.
Specifically, many of my peers apologize preemptively for future slights. Typically, a classmate will say something along the lines of, “I’m sorry if I’m rude to you today; I’m dealing with a depressive episode.”
I recognize that nobody is perfect, and would certainly forgive someone who apologized after being gruff. But a preemptive apology often leaves me uncertain that my peer is even planning to try to regulate his or her behavior. I also feel that any regret is insincere: Because the apologizer has yet to hurt me, I don’t think he or she can possibly acknowledge the pain I (might) feel.
Am I right to be put off, or should I catch up to the times? Is there an appropriate way to express my displeasure with such an apology without seeming to judge a friend’s struggles with mental health?
GENTLE READER: “I am so sorry. How lucky, at least, that you know in advance when you’re going to offend. I’m not sure that I am able to do that, so please forgive me if I accidentally take offense.”