DEAR MISS MANNERS: Has the wedding invitation to a single person with the heading “and guest” completely gone by the wayside? This used to be included on the wedding invitations I received; I notice in the recent past it has not.
I understand bridal couples are trying to save, but this seems to be at the expense of the guest’s comfort. As a widow, of course I go to social occasions alone when I have to, but it’s much more fun if I can bring someone.
I feel like it’s just another punishment for not being part of a (married) couple. I’m alone, but not dead.
GENTLE READER: And just a wee bit defensive?
It was never an etiquette-sanctioned custom to deputize wedding guests to invite their own guests. “And guest” is an inherently rude phrase, as it means that no attempt has been made to find out the person’s name.
Married and engaged partners were always included, but perhaps, as society began to recognize stable couples who were neither, hosts gave up trying to figure out who qualified. Or perhaps they yielded to pressure from people like you, who viewed weddings as opportunities for fun that would not be provided by socializing with the couple’s friends and relatives.
It is not about punishing you. Nor is it necessarily about money. It may be about not wanting strangers at such a personal occasion.
Miss Manners urges you to regard your friends’ weddings as opportunities to meet the people they care about. Before “and guest” existed, weddings were famous for putting eligible people together and thus promoting more weddings.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)