DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I have been together for 20 years. During this time, his daughter, who lives out of state, will call and talk about herself for as many minutes as her father or I will listen. She never asks about our well-being or lives.
Additionally, there have been several times over the years where she has treated me very rudely (getting drunk while a houseguest; hanging up on me when I stated that I needed to get off the phone). However, there is never an apology, only a deflection.
I’ve gotten to the point where I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired of her selfish behavior and total lack of interest in me or her father’s life. It feels like self-abuse to continue to listen to her, always on her terms.
I don’t expect her to change, but I would greatly appreciate your ideas on how to protect myself, as I need to be able to interact with her for my partner’s sake.
GENTLE READER: After 20 years in your situation, one could reasonably be considered a de facto parent, especially when it comes to offering advice.
Miss Manners is guessing, however, that that is not the case here. She therefore recommends that you listen politely when no other choice is offered -- and otherwise practice repeating the phrase, “Let me go get your father.”