DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I attended my best friend’s sister-in-law’s wedding, several years ago, it was during a time of unemployment, and I was not able to buy the new couple a gift.
Instead, knowing that they would be visiting my hometown during their honeymoon, I arranged to have a lovely bouquet of flowers placed in their hotel room on my behalf. I also offered to take them on a tour of a well-known tourist destination, as I had a pass and their tickets would be comped. It was my way of making up for what I felt was the faux pas of not getting them a traditional gift.
Several weeks later, my best friend phoned me. Apparently his sister-in-law and her husband felt very uncomfortable with my gift; my best friend noted that mine was the only present in their suite and that it was “weird” and “super awkward” of me to do that.
Needless to say, I was mortified that my altruistic gesture would be so horribly misinterpreted. While I assured my best friend of the best of my intentions (I fully explained the situation, my unemployment, etc.), and offered my profound apologies to the new couple, I have never fully forgotten this incident.
Looking back on it now, was I wrong to do such a thing? Should I have taken a different route altogether?
GENTLE READER: While normally Miss Manners would have flocked to your rescue to defend the sweet gift of flowers and a tour, she does admit that something is a little weird: the offer to join them on their travels.
In this age, when couples may live together for 10 years before getting married, honeymoons may well have lost their original romantic intent and meaning. But you rather explicitly pointing that out will not likely produce the gratitude for which you were hoping.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)