DEAR MISS MANNERS: My significant other and I were invited to a dinner hosted by another couple, with a third couple also in attendance. We were asked to bring dessert, so we brought a large selection of cupcakes.
My SO and I put a lot of effort into picking out flavors for each guest rather than opting for a random assortment, and we were looking forward to doling them out after dinner.
The hosts’ neighbors dropped by unexpectedly before dinner and were asked to stay. I felt slightly annoyed that our deliberate cupcake selection would be thrown off, but it hardly mattered when I realized that the host had already allowed each of his two kids to help themselves to a cupcake.
Was I justified in feeling annoyed by my dessert being distributed not as I’d thoughtfully intended, or was it considered the hosts’ right to do with it what they pleased?
GENTLE READER: Personalized cupcakes?
Miss Manners is loath to discourage thoughtfulness, personalization or cupcakes, but surely that sort of specialized effort is best made when you are the host and can control the circumstances.
Please stop feeling insulted. Once you had agreed to bring dessert, it was not your prerogative to decide when the children could eat or whether the neighbors would be welcomed.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)