DEAR MISS MANNERS: My niece got married a couple of years ago for the second time. Her husband-to-be had never been married. They chose to have a casual wedding, but they invited at least 100 guests, primarily their friends on both sides of the family and a few chosen family members.
Prior to the wedding, I sent a wrapped gift from their wedding registry and a large bottle of wine per the invitation as a contribution to the bar. I included a card with the gift attached to the package.
We felt completely ignored at the wedding and were never introduced to the new husband. No effort was made by the bride and her new husband to walk around speaking to guests. In addition, I never received a thank-you either verbally or in writing from my niece and her new husband.
I’ve been steamed over this ever since. I’ve remained silent now for years. What do you suggest someone should do, if anything, when this sort of thing happens, other than grin and bear it?
GENTLE READER: When Miss Manners hears the word “casual,” she shudders. It no longer means “informal,” which is a legitimate style. Rather, it has come to mean “not bothering to perform even the most common courtesies.”
But your experience was two years ago. By now you should have put in practice the only sensible response, which is to decline any invitations to their birthday parties, re-enactment ceremonies, baby showers, or whatever else they may have devised for assembling people they will then ignore.