DEAR MISS MANNERS: My stepdaughter, with whom I have had a decent but sometimes rocky relationship, is expecting her first child. She has sent a baby shower invitation addressed solely to my husband.
My husband says I am being petty in feeling snubbed. I feel that an invitation to a married couple should include both parties. Who is correct here? Should I assume I was included?
GENTLE READER: You are correct. And your husband has an ulterior motive: peace between his wife and his daughter, preferably without any further action required on his part.
Miss Manners mentions this to steel you for some mild deception yourself. Tell your husband that you are conflicted because you want to honor his daughter’s feelings, but do not know what they are. If she wants to spend the time with her birth father, you understand completely. But you would be mortified to miss the event if she meant to include you.
Your husband will comfort you while insisting there is no reason to consult the daughter. Hold firm. The only way he can resolve your dilemma is by calling his daughter and asking her intentions. This will teach her not to misbehave and him not to countenance bad behavior.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)