DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a person one might call the “blue sheep” in my otherwise completely red, large extended family. That fact happens to be a known “hot button” that many in my family openly and joyfully push, often in bold and condescending ways, when I am around them.
I would much prefer to keep topics light and jovial, such as learning how they have been since last seeing them (which has been much less over the recent years), discussing the event we’re attending, commenting on the weather or food, and other neutral topics.
How can I politely yet firmly shut down direct, hurtful comments made to provoke me without appearing defensive, weak or unaware of their intentional attempts to engage me? Civil discourse is never their goal when approaching me with their agendas.
GENTLE READER: That it is undesirable to seem defensive or weak toward people who are trying to provoke you, Miss Manners understands. But what is wrong with seeming to be unaware?
Goading people is only fun if they react. Surely you must have been told that by a parent when you came home from kindergarten crying.
So your response to a political jibe should be, “Great to see you, Uncle Horace. I hope your gout hasn’t been bothering you too much.”