DEAR MISS MANNERS: I prefer not to hug, and not even to shake hands. As a (female, if that matters) homeowner, I have had salespersons come to give quotes for work to be done on my property. They shook hands at the beginning and again at the end of our meeting.
I later found out they had lied to me -- for instance, about not having a license to work in my town, or not having insurance for their employees. I felt the handshake -- which used to convey not only good will but honesty, work ethic, etc. -- was used to try to trick me into believing lies, and hiring someone because I “felt good” about them, rather than based on facts.
Another place I no longer feel the handshake is reasonable or necessary is in the doctor’s office. I had one doctor who would come in, shake my hand, THEN go wash her hands (presumably washing my germs off her hands after passing the previous patient’s germs on to me!). In this case, I feel there is a medical reason not to shake hands.
I therefore have begun refusing: “I prefer not to shake hands. Nothing personal.” If they request more of an explanation, I explain that I no longer feel it has the meaning it used to. While most people are surprised, after giving it a bit of thought, it’s accepted without annoyance.
GENTLE READER: Indeed, most people would flee in terror from the prospect of a conversation about the meaningfulness of conventional gestures. But what happens when some salesperson sees it as a chance to have a bonding philosophical exchange?
So when there are follow-up questions to your first statement, Miss Manners recommends shrugging it off, saying, “Oh, it’s just a quirk of mine.”
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)