DEAR MISS MANNERS: Would it be appropriate, when sending cash or checks to children for birthdays and holidays, to enclose a stamped, addressed envelope and card so that the children would find it easier to express thanks for the gift?
The children in question are 10, 13 and 15, and I am their great-uncle. They are remarkable children, poised and well-mannered -- except that they never thank me (or, presumably, others) for these little gifts.
I’ve mentioned this to their mother, my niece, but her reply is that she can urge them to respond, but cannot force them to.
I admit it irks me to never receive acknowledgement of my gifts, but more than that, I think it’s important to teach children the value of gratitude and this elementary form of etiquette.
GENTLE READER: Whose job is it, if not a parent’s, to force their children to do things that they do not want to do? It’s called child-rearing.
Miss Manners also finds it amusing that you deem the only thing unmotivated children are lacking is a stamp. Ask anyone hosting a wedding how that system has worked out.
The obvious and most effective solution would be to discontinue these monetary presents -- or at least to wait to give them sporadically in person. When you do so, you might slip in, “I am sorry that this is late for your birthday, but I am never sure that when I send it through the mail, you are receiving it. And I have no way of knowing if you liked getting it.” If this does not motivate them to write future thank-you letters, surely greed will.