DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m wondering what is the business etiquette around requiring employees to attend out-of-office events.
My husband is expected to attend a monthly happy hour with the people in his department -- all of whom, including the boss, happen to be female. Spouses are never included (and also weren’t included in an after-hours holiday celebration). I wonder if the boss thinks this is appropriate simply because she holds it during the later afternoon, and because people are generally allowed to leave between 6 and 7 p.m.
In any case, what was once perhaps a “girls’ night out” is no longer such a thing, now that there’s a male in the department. I’ve never met the boss (obviously, I’ve never been invited to), but I can’t imagine this is proper business etiquette. Am I wrong? If not, how can this possibly be addressed?
GENTLE READER: The issue is not that the event takes place outside of the office, but rather the confusion -- on the parts of your husband, his boss and yourself -- about whether the event is social or professional.
Professional events generally occur during work hours. Social events do not require permission to leave. Professional events are usually gender-neutral. Social events tend not to be.
You are correct that your husband’s boss is not following proper business etiquette. But this confusion is nowadays so common -- about professional-versus-social, though perhaps also about gender -- that she may not even realize she is abusing her authority. Rather than confront her with being rude, a safer solution would be for your husband to attend the portion of the event that runs until the close of business, and then excuse himself.