DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a 6-year-old son and my husband's brother has a 1-year-old boy. We live in two different countries. Still, we meet every year when we visit my mother-in-law, as they live with her.
My problem is that they named their son my boy's name. I was so devastated to hear this, and I gently told his wife how I feel. She was OK and told me that she will pick a different name. But her husband and elder daughter and even my mother-in-law won't change.
Both kids always get confused to hear the name, and I feel so sad every time I have to tell my son, "It's not you." But it seems that they are least bothered. My mother-in-law always is on their side and doesn't care about my son at all.
Last vacation I didn't stay there for long, as I cannot stand the ego of these people. Am I overreacting? I am learning to ignore and live with it. Still, please let me know how would you handle a situation like this.
GENTLE READER: As the cousin is already a year old, it's unlikely that his family will change what they call him to appease relatives they see only once a year.
However, Miss Manners has heard that children often acquire nicknames. Perhaps you can invent one for your nephew -- a kind one that will not reflect your low opinion of your in-laws, but one that will catch on? Or perhaps you can persuade your son that it would be fun to use a foreign version of his name when he travels.
In addition, if you could somehow convince your son (and yourself) that the name overlap is an homage -- and not the insult and inconvenience you see it to be -- it would be a valuable lesson in diplomacy. And also do much to avoid a lifelong hostility with a cousin he rarely sees.