DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are part of a group of about 20 who have been invited to the same home, by the same host and hostess, for a New Year’s Eve dinner and celebration for about 40 years. Good friends, good food and great stories. There are occasional neighbors or newer friends of the hosting couple, but the core is the old crowd from our childhood and their spouses.
Now one of the crowd called and said that they felt that each of us should bring the hostess a small gift to show appreciation for all the years of her having us to their home. I was a bit taken back, as we are all so close and entertain each other at our own homes a few times a year, although the New Year’s party is this couple’s only group gathering.
Knowing them as I do, they will be embarrassed, if not upset, with the gifts. We will go along, but only with a donation to a very needy charitable organization.
GENTLE READER: But why will you go along with something you feel will embarrass your friends?
You are old friends of the others, and should have felt obligated to tell them that their well-meant gesture was likely to have an effect opposite to their intention. Miss Manners is afraid that people often shut down their judgment when generosity is suggested, for fear of looking cheap.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)