DEAR MISS MANNERS: One thing I love about my husband is that he loves people. He and a few of the men at our church usually refer to their wives as “Mama” when talking about us: “Oh, Mama’s hungry; you better go feed her.” “You better check with Mama first,” etc.
Because we are a very close group of friends, it doesn’t bother me. My husband also tends to call other women Mamas as a term of endearment, but for the women who have been in his life a long time and the women in the family, I don’t mind.
But it really bothered me when we went to lunch and he said it to a complete stranger, our waitress, as he thanked her for simply doing her job. Immediately he looked at me to see how I would react. I played it off as if I didn’t hear or it didn’t bother me by not acknowledging it.
He typically doesn’t do this in front of me to complete strangers, but now I feel he does it when I’m not around. Do you think I’m wrong to be bothered by this?
GENTLE READER: Has he considered that the ladies he so addresses might be bothered by this? If he loves people, surely he wouldn’t want to offend any.
True, many probably accept it as a kindly meant colloquialism. Some might consider it patronizing. But one day he is going to say “Mama” to a stranger who has suffered a miscarriage, who will burst into tears.
It will be difficult to curb this, but Miss Manners suggests saying lovingly that you regard it as an intimate term of endearment, and hope he will keep it in the family.