DEAR MISS MANNERS: A very close relative is dying and plans to leave each of my children a five-figure dollar inheritance. At this point, I have not told any of the children. Should I tell them and urge them to write a thank-you note to the relative before she passes away, or should I just wait? I thanked her, of course, when she told me of her intentions.
GENTLE READER: Your desire to issue a thank-you note before it is too late is laudable, but expressing gratitude for future gifts is tricky -- particularly when doing so may imply ambivalence about the necessary prerequisite.
You were right to thank your relative yourself, and while Miss Manners does not object to your telling your children about the inheritance if you wish, she urges you to encourage them to continue the love and attention they devote to the relative -- punctuated by the reality that the time in which to do so is limited.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)