DEAR MISS MANNERS: I held a Thanksgiving dinner for friends and family last week, and the event was done at significant personal expense. Not including time spent cooking, this was quite an orchestration.
My mother told me that I need to thank everyone who came to the dinner, but shouldn’t it be the other way around?
Spending several hundred dollars on cheese, wine, turkey, desserts and other necessary food items, and all the while trying to be a good host, makes me think that I ought to be the one receiving thanks. Beyond the formality of thanking guests as they depart, what should I be doing?
GENTLE READER: The reason that hosts sometimes thank guests at the door is, Miss Manners suspects, because a mere “You’re welcome” strikes them as awkward. Any more formal thanks would strike the recipient as an unsubtle prompt -- as when wedding hosts write to thank guests who they have noticed did not yet send presents.
But she would like to point out that the reason your friends owe you thanks is for your hospitality, not for your expense or even your labor.