DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our son got married about a month ago. In speaking to him today, he asked if we had sent a wedding gift. To provide detail, my husband and I paid for 99 percent of the entire wedding, based on the bride’s parents being unable to do so. We happily did this without reservation. The cost of the wedding was over $65,000. Further, we happily paid for their honeymoon, and they enjoyed a wonderful trip to Italy.
This coupled with bridal shower, rehearsal dinner and even the engagement ring. I felt we went above and beyond, and therefore we did not give them an additional wedding gift. I’m feeling somewhat puzzled on their question, as they are well aware of what we have done to give them a great wedding and honeymoon.
My husband and I are both somewhat hurt and definitely frustrated! What am I missing?
GENTLE READER: What has your son missed? Economic responsibility? Respect for his parents? Gratitude? Shame at begging? Basic manners?
Whether you tried to teach him these essentials of civilization, Miss Manners does not know. In any case, it is a bit late now. Unless you are willing to encourage attempts to fleece you, she suggests a firm and dignified refusal: “We felt that we did what we could for you, and we’re sorry if you feel that is not enough.”