DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an enthusiastic board gamer. Most of the games I play are competitive, like chess. This can be as emotional as it is intellectual.
Early on, I noticed a tendency for the winner to immediately extend their hand for a handshake with a lot of enthusiasm before the loser has perhaps even noticed, or processed their loss.
It seems to me to be more appropriate for the loser to extend their hand. I like the idea of being able to show good sportsmanship in the wake of a loss by being the first to congratulate the victor. If I won, I feel I should be satisfied with my victory and not force good sportsmanship onto my opponent, who may just want some time to process.
So, at the end of the match, what's appropriate for the winner to do? The loser? Is it disrespectful for a winner not to extend their hand?
GENTLE READER: Victorious tennis players used to leap the net after the game to shake the loser's hand. The thinking was that victory imposed a greater etiquette burden on the winner to, as it were, "even up the score."
This has since been abandoned in favor of a handshake at the net. Miss Manners accepts either party's making the first move after a victory in any sport, requiring only that both sides perform the ceremony respectfully, omitting the perhaps more heartfelt glare, curse or throwing of sporting equipment.