DEAR MISS MANNERS: My siblings are hosting a milestone event for a parent. I, and one of my siblings, can afford and want to spend the money to make the event special.
The other two siblings are just getting by, paycheck to paycheck, and really don't have discretionary money to spend. How do we politely decline financial help to plan the party when we know the other two cannot afford to pay?
GENTLE READER: Although Miss Manners has no objection to caviar and champagne, let us agree that it is not the spending of money that will make the event special, but rather the time spent with family and friends.
Then your problem becomes more manageable. The organizing of the event will require participation of all the siblings. Assign the responsibilities in a way that distributes evenly the effort required, but leaves the larger expenditures to those with both discretionary income and discretion. No comparison of who has decided to contribute what need be made.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)