DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband does not enjoy going to parties and being social, especially with a certain group of my friends.
There is a huge 40-year-old birthday bash for a very close friend of mine and her husband. They are going all out. My husband does not want to go and thinks it is disrespectful for me to go to this couples' party without him.
Is he correct? Should I respect his wishes and not attend?
GENTLE READER: Oh, how Miss Manners loves to get into the middle of a domestic quarrel -- but could she please be excused to go freshen her drink?
The only case in which it would be disloyal of you to go to this party without him would be if your husband had legitimate reasons for disliking this group of friends (for instance, if they had deliberately insulted him or you). But if, as you said, he just prefers not to be social and this event is his target of the moment, then it seems to Miss Manners that your husband is being unreasonable.
It probably has crossed your mind, as well as hers, however, that a couple that differs so greatly not only in how they socialize -- or not -- but also about how much control they should have over each other, have more things to work out than their feelings toward one group of friends and their party.