DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friends and I were talking about how to give a compliment. One said that you should say, "That shirt looks good on you," and one said that was wrong; the correct way is, "You look good in that shirt."
Personally, I am happy to get a compliment so I don't care. But now our curiosities are piqued. Which friend is correct, and even better -- why?
GENTLE READER: The correct thing is not to quibble about compliments, and Miss Manners is pleased that you are affable enough to take either sort of statement as such.
Those looking to collect insults are not so generous, and it is for them that the following explanation is geared. "That shirt is becoming on you" implies that its wearer would look good regardless -- the shirt is simply being enhanced by the person's good looks. This is more flattering than, "You look good in that shirt," which -- if one goes digging -- implies that you are becoming only in that particular shirt. The inference, which is not as complimentary, is that the shirt itself would be just fine on its own.