DEAR MISS MANNERS: It seems that when a person's betrothed (or new spouse) is introduced to their friends and family, someone often feels the need to threaten the new addition about what will happen if they ever hurt the other person.
I realize that people probably intend to show how much they care about a friend or relative. But to me, it seems one should at least assume that the person could select a good partner.
Is it really necessary or acceptable to bring up the possibility of "If you ever hurt him/her ..."? How should these remarks be handled?
GENTLE READER: Two justifications are given in defense of such behavior: that it shows the person "cares" -- and that it is meant in jest. Miss Manners is willing to assume the former.
As to the latter, not only do the recipients not find this approach amusing; they are likely to remember it for years to come.
Look the speaker in the eye and, with a knowing demeanor, explain that the remark exactly mirrors how you feel about anyone who would hurt your betrothed. If you deliver it properly, the relative will spend the rest of the evening wondering what your intended has told you about him.