DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband's daughter will be having a baby soon. This will be our first grandchild, and so what the child calls me will, I imagine, set the standard for future grandchildren.
My husband's daughters were adults when my husband and I married. Although we rarely see his ex-wife, I suspect that we will all be thrown together more frequently when babies enter the picture.
Should the children call me Grandma also, since I am their grandfather's wife? Is there another possibility? I really want to do the right and kind thing. I don't want to upset anyone, or confuse anyone, but the children using my first name seems odd to me, and, as I am a Yankee, Miss Scarlet just would not fit.
GENTLE READER: Even without divorces, it is not uncommon for children to have more than one living grandmother. Well, two, anyway; and with divorces, four or, in the case of step-exes, more.
So it behooves the family to work out designations, which could include some version of the title (diminutives, such as Granny, with or without your given or surname added, or translations that refer to the family heritage, such as "Oma" or "Nonna"), or just a special, affectionate nickname.
All generations may be considered interested parties in finding something mutually agreeable, and, in your case, your stepdaughter may also represent the wishes of her mother, toward whom Miss Manners appreciates your sensitivity.
It should be noted, however, that veto power ultimately goes to the baby, who may eventually ignore even unanimous decisions and call you what he or she likes.