DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I went out to dinner with a small group of friends, we were eating our main course as I was telling an amusing story. Just as I was about to reach the punch line, the waiter came up and interrupted me by asking if everything was "good."
This ruined the story.
While I realize that waitstaff have a job to do, it would seem that they could be more aware that the customers are there to enjoy each other's company, not to have their conversations interrupted by the restaurant staff. What suggestions do you have regarding this behavior?
GENTLE READER: Funny you should ask. This came up with a group of writers with whom Miss Manners used to have a monthly lunch. Without fail, the waitress did this.
She had perfect timing. Had she interrupted halfway through a story, the teller could have picked it up after the break. But it would be lame to go back after it was all but completed and recap just enough to launch the punch line. So mostly we would forget it.
Later, when the restaurant's owner complained about the quality of our conversations, we suspected sabotage. "I bragged to my friends that we had writers meeting here," he said. "So they asked me what kind of literary talk you have. And all I hear is talk about your agents and your royalties."
Actually, this story doesn't have a point (where's the waiter?), because we were fond of them and they of us, so we all tolerated one another.
But you, whose stories undoubtedly do have points, do not have to put up with this. The waiter has talked over you, which is rude (and all too common), and you should not cede the floor to him. If necessary, hold up a restraining hand to the waiter while you deliver your punch line.
Then you can explain to him brightly, "We were talking. To one another."
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the best way to politely handle a coworker who will be justifiably fired?
This person did nothing illegal; he was unable to perform the job, and after months of hearing defensive blame-shifting, the supervisors have had enough. The office is small but part of a large organization. There is a good chance that the person in question will be moved elsewhere in the organization, and I may still have to deal with him on a regular basis.
I've worked with him for only a brief time and regard him as a light nuisance. He fancies himself a key player on the team and proves his "in" status by assuming a joking familiarity with the group -- "lighthearted" insults that are not appropriate between casual acquaintances. I expect he will be surprised when the rest of us do not react in outrage to his dismissal or engage in whispered bad-mouthing of the bosses.
How can I convey condolences on his misfortune without taking his side? And how can I deflect future conversations in the cafeteria when he wants to publicly defame my department?
GENTLE READER: Any sort of condolences will lead to complaints, Miss Manners is obliged to warn you. Fired employees do not generally harbor kind thoughts about the companies and bosses who fired them.
But that is not to say that it is impossible to show kindness, even to the deservedly unemployed. Would it be stretching a point too far to say that you will miss him?
OK, how about that you will miss his doing whatever it was that he didn't botch?
Still coming up blank? Then go with wishing him luck in the future, and voicing the hope that he finds work that will take advantage of his talents. You needn't worry about specifying what those talents are. He will supply them.
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