DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law is expecting her first child in a few months' time. She has informed us that it's very important to her to have the entire family present at the birth, and that we will be receiving formal invitations to the "birthing room party."
She and I are on cordial terms but we're not close, and quite frankly, even if we were, I would not want to be in the birthing room.
My husband feels the same. Perhaps we are old fashioned or prudish, but we don't want to watch Sally giving birth or to make a party occasion of what we consider should be a private event.
How do we decline gracefully without offending her or her parents, who are wild about the idea?
GENTLE READER: Of all the bright ideas about how to entertain, this is Miss Manners' least favorite. As she keeps pointing out, a lady never entertains guests with her legs in the air.
And why any obstetrician or midwife would agree to work in the middle of a party, she cannot imagine. (Please excuse the rant. You agree, and you just want to get out of going.)
Miss Manners recommends developing a reputation for being squeamish and likely to faint at the sight of blood. There is much use for that weakness these days. You should confess that to the family with your apologies, adding that should you be present, the medical people might have to drop what they were doing to attend to you.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: The office that I work at has two bathrooms on each of the two floors we occupy, one on each floor for the ladies and one for the gentlemen.
What is the proper response when one is occupying the bathroom and someone comes a-knocking?
These bathrooms are of a style for single entry and lock from the inside to ensure privacy, but from the outside, there is no way to know if it is occupied or not. Some co-workers approach this by simply trying to open the door and then realizing it is locked or simply knocking gently.
What is the proper response to be made from the occupant? I have heard everything from "just a moment" to "I'm in here" and even the "hang on just a second, I'm almost done."
Also, I wonder if it is proper to wait outside the door until the current occupant has finished and then enter as soon as that one has left? Some insight would be helpful.
GENTLE READER: You don't need insight; you just need to know whether someone is inside. "Sorry, it's occupied" will do, but so will the other declarations you mention. What one wants most to hear is, "I'll be right out."
As you realize, there are also rules for the person outside, although going away is not one of them. Knocking is slightly preferable to trying the door in case there is a forgetful occupant, but not knocking repeatedly or saying what one is undoubtedly thinking.
Anyone inside knows what anyone outside is thinking and, with any luck, starts hurrying. And, Miss Manners assures you, would be all the more annoyed to emerge to an empty hallway.
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