DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper thing to do when someone falls asleep drunk at the dinner table?
At a formal business dinner on a cruise ship, I was seated at a table of eight, where no one knew anyone else. One lady, in her 60s, who was obviously quite drunk, plopped down next to me and ordered a drink.
We all made our introductions and began to chat about the special occasion we were attending. Shortly after finishing our appetizers, the drunken lady fell asleep. Head down on her chest, she began snoring.
We were all quite shocked by this and rather amused. We discussed what to do and came to the conclusion that we would just leave her alone. On she slept, until suddenly she awoke with a start and began to moan. Then she began to howl loudly and look around wildly.
People dining at adjoining tables stopped and stared in our direction. We were all mortified, but I must say, also entertained. I began to shake with silent laughter and found I could not stop.
The lady to the left of the drunkard spoke calmly to her and managed to get her settled down. She became quiet and stared into space. We resumed our conversation, acting like nothing strange had happened.
As dessert was served, she began to burp. Then she raised her napkin to her mouth and began to make retching sounds. Fearing an explosion, I immediately slid my chair as far away as possible, and waited for her to blow. Fortunately, she did not vomit.
As she began to wobble in her chair, one gentleman at our table got up and offered to assist her to her cabin. She rose on legs like wet noodles and propped up on his arm, she staggered from the dining room.
I feel there was a better way we could have handled it. I have turned it over in my mind many times and concluded the appropriate thing would have been to ask the maitre d' to contact the ship's doctor and have her taken out in a wheel chair. Summoning the doctor when she first fell asleep would have been the best time, had we known how drunk she was.
But not knowing how bad off she was, we did not see the need to take action then. When she nearly vomited, she became a real liability at our table. The gentleman who led her away was very gallant.
Besides my uncontrollable fit of silent laughter, did we do anything wrong? What would you have done had you been there?
GENTLE READER: Miss Manners would have failed to be amused at someone in distress, regardless of the cause.
Therefore she would have acted out of concern for the lady's safety and dignity (escorting her to her cabin or asking the staff to do so, and notifying the doctor to look in on her) rather than waiting until she developed concerns for her own clothes and the tablecloth.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to shush a friend who is talking to another person during a performance, and disturbing those around us who want to listen to the performance? A friendship was destroyed over this.
GENTLE READER: It is always rude to shush a friend. However, Miss Manners considers it a courtesy to alert a friend, through a gentle tap and kind look, to the fact that she is inadvertently disturbing others.
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