DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please explain the correct way to seat couples during dinner parties. I was recently at a family event where couples were asked to sit at separate tables. This announcement drew complaints and derision from some who were offended by being told what to do (and forced to deal with their in-laws without backup.)
I think it is a wonderful idea and have since read that during formal state dinners at the White House, this tradition is maintained. Could you lend some guidance on how to entertain in the future with these same couples in mind?
GENTLE READER: It is not only at state dinners, but at any properly run dinner party that couples are seated apart from each other. This heads off the irresistible temptation to break into the telling of family stories with remarks like "No, dear, that was the second time we went there, not the first."
When Miss Manners is told of couples protesting that they can't bear to sit apart even for the length of a meal, she does not take it as evidence of marital devotion. On the contrary, it sounds mighty like distrust. If they have no social interests or skills, they can always stay home.
But you are talking about a family gathering, where everybody has heard everybody's stories, and the tensions are probably just as well known. In that case, a full seating chart, which separates not only couples but potential combatants, would be helpful.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are expecting our first child. My parents and his mother are eagerly awaiting their new grandchild. My husband's father doesn't know, and presumably wouldn't care, about the new child, since he abandoned his own family when my husband was young and is now only in occasional contact.
My question is how to answer people who ask how many living grandparents our child will have. If the question is asked socially (as opposed to by a genealogist or geneticist), I am inclined to answer three: my parents and my mother-in-law. What does Miss Manners think?
GENTLE READER: That it is not of great moment to casual questioners how many grandparents your child will have.
Yes, yes, Miss Manners understands that they asked. But that is because there are only so many things one can say to show interest in a not-yet-born baby, or because they are about to launch into a grandparent story of their own.
So she gives you leave to interpret the question as meaning "How many grandparents will this child have to dote on him?"
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last week I sent a wedding gift to a dear friend who will be getting married this summer. A few days later I received her thank you note, which thanked me for the "engagement gift." Is there a polite way to inform her that it was meant as a wedding gift?
GENTLE READER: Well, there is "Am I the first to send you a wedding present?" But Miss Manners is guessing that the lady will figure it out when you do not follow up by sending a second silver tea service.
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