DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a flatware issue that perhaps you could shed light on. My everyday flatware is a set of stainless steel that I purchased over 20 years ago. At this point, it is difficult to keep clean and I don't really like the design.
This leaves me with two choices: purchase a new set of stainless steel or use my set of sterling silver flatware. To be honest, spending money on a new set of stainless flatware seems like a waste of money to me even if I found a set that I like.
The set of sterling is not very ornate, and I do like it. I also know how to take care of it. It seems a waste not to use it other than at fancy dinners, which don't happen too frequently. I grew up using sterling silver every day because that was all that my parents had, since they received it as wedding gifts and didn't have money as newlyweds to purchase something else to use every day. Is it acceptable to use sterling silver flatware every day?
GENTLE READER: Acceptable? The silver is yours, it is not stolen, and it doesn't wear out. Why are you even asking?
Miss Manners is reminded of two stories, one fiction, one real, about "saving" good possessions. The first was a short story about a lady who had been given an exquisite tablecloth when she was married, and had never found an occasion special enough to use it. So it was first used as her shroud.
The second was about a tycoon who had an Old Master painting on his yacht. Someone who had been a guest on the yacht told Miss Manners that he had asked the owner whether the salty sea air might not damage the painting. "It might," was the reply, "but I believe that if you have good things you ought to enjoy them."
So did Miss Manners before she heard that second story.
However, it still applies to your silver.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband is a priest; a few years ago, he was ordained, and we moved to a new parish. The people have been lovely, kind and welcoming, and I appreciate their support in every way.
That said, I'm beginning to have a bit of a problem. The parish is very family-oriented people and larger families tend to be the rule. My first child is now at an age where people have decided I'm ready for another one, and they have started pointing this out to me.
I happen to agree that it's time for another and am currently pregnant, but it's far too early to announce the pregnancy. Until then, bearing in mind how kindly we have been welcomed and that I really don't want to kill any conversations, how do I respond to the comment, "You're about ready for another one"?
GENTLE READER: Kindly meant or not, such remarks are inexcusably nosy and rude. Miss Manners usually hears about this being said to ladies who are not planning to have children, or more children, or, heart-breakingly, to those who want them but have been unable to have them. Since you are pregnant, your problem will soon disappear. You need only smile and say, "We shall see."
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