DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am struggling with the invitation list to my child's confirmation. Some of the potential invitees are members of a "poli" family.
The man is married to one woman. They live with a second woman. While I have not ever inquired about their bedding arrangements, I believe she is romantically attached to the wife. There is a third woman who dates the husband but lives elsewhere.
While they are quiet about this in their work and "in public," most of their friends know of the arrangement. They are not sneaking around -- the four of them are on excellent terms with each other. However, some of my relatives would be shocked if they knew of the relationships.
My daughter is friendly with the girlfriend, as am I. She would like to invite her. My husband and I are also friendly with the husband, whom we know through different connections. While I have met the wife and the other woman and get along with them well enough, I don't know them well enough that I would invite them to this sort of event were it not for their family connections to the husband.
So, are the four of them a package deal? Can I invite the husband and his girlfriend? Just the girlfriend? The husband and wife and girlfriend? How do I introduce them to my family?
GENTLE READER: Since you admittedly do not know the bedding arrangements of this interesting assortment, you are spared the temptation of enlivening your child's confirmation by explaining their relationships to your relatives.
You can invite only the married couple, only their household, only one or both of the single ladies, or the whole group. But in any case, you introduce them by using their names. Miss Manners is sorry if this disappoints you.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: People of breeding hardly need to be told that to wear an authentic "old school tie" from a school which one did not attend is the height of pretension. Similarly, in many countries, to wear orders which one has not individually been awarded is not only pretentious, but sometimes (legally) actionable.
But what about defunct orders? I have inherited a beautiful medal of the Order of St. Stanislaw, a Polish order which no longer exists. The medal is in excellent shape and could be fun to wear under the right circumstances -- "the right circumstances" not being a reception at the Polish embassy, to be sure. I have in mind a fun, dressy occasion outside of military or diplomatic circles.
Is this permissible, or would I run the risk of being labeled a parvenu?
GENTLE READER: Not a parvenu, since that has to do with showing off money or power that one has only recently acquired. Miss Manners is afraid you would only be considered an imposter for wearing a medal you did not earn.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Many times, persons trying to EXIT should have the right of way. Such as, off a bus or elevator. But at the entrance to a restroom, I always allow incoming people to have the right of way. They may have high interior priorities:
"Man coming in has the right of way!"
GENTLE READER: Indeed. There is no such rule on the books, but Miss Manners will certainly not stand in your way.
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