DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been dancing salsa for more than 10 years, and most of my friends have as well. Either they were dragged into the scene through my own enthusiasm or I met them while dancing and we became friends. I have a 6-year-old daughter, and many of my friends have children of similar ages.
OK, so my daughter, whose birthday was this week, just switched to a new school and, as it turns out, the mother of one of the (very nice) kids in her class is also a salsera -- from way back -- with a history. She has slept with the husbands of well, like three female friends. One couple was dating at the time, another was married and I don't know the circumstances of the third. It's a VERY touchy issue.
So here's my question. THIS year we didn't invite any kids from my daughter's class, mainly because she had only been at that school a few weeks and didn't know them that well. BUT what to do with party number seven?
Having this woman at a party would make many people (men and women) uncomfortable. Should I invite whomever my daughter wants to invite from school, and let others know ahead of time and risk some of my closest friends "declining" an invitation?
I am prepared to put on my "big girl panties" in the interest of doing the right thing.
GENTLE READER: Oh, good. Miss Manners would not want you to be caught without them.
Your problem is easily solved by having your daughter invite her friends at the time, with your providing enough supervision that their parents need not attend. However, Miss Manners thanks you for all the interesting details you provided.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a 23-year-old young lady who appears much younger and who recently moved from Iowa to Michigan to work as an intern. I've had several experiences where I addressed an older person by his or her first name, only to sense an awkwardness in the person's response.
When I asked my mentor/boss about it, he said an important way to show respect for an older person is to address them as "Mr." or "Ms." followed by their last name, and to continue to do so unless invited by them to use their first name. I was surprised to hear this, as I was raised to be respectful toward older adults but had never heard of this rule.
Following my mentor's advice feels really awkward, which may actually make things worse in my interactions with others. (If I'm ill-at-ease, they may assume I am insincere.) How can I know when to use this method and when not to use it, and how can I become more at ease using it?
GENTLE READER: Through practice. Meanwhile, Miss Manners asks you please to re-examine the reasoning by which you concluded that it is worse for older people to feel that you feel awkward than for you to make them feel awkward.
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