DEAR MISS MANNERS: What does one say (if anything) when one overhears profanity by the teenagers who hang out at the same park where one brings one's toddlers?
This is a regular occurrence where I live. The little ones play on the playground equipment, and the 12-17s hang out nearby playing catch or talking loudly. The profanity isn't directed abuse, but rather the unfortunate habits of conversational profanity that seem to be common among the younger teens. (e.g., "Harry, throw me the f_____g ball!").
In ?the past I've ignored the language, and I've also glared at the offender. Last week I spoke rather sharply to the above-mentioned Harry, stating that neither I, nor my toddlers, needed to hear that kind of language. None of these options seems correct, and the only other option I see is to deny my little ones the playground -- an option which annoys me quite a bit.
GENTLE READER: It is good of you to attempt to bring up strange teenagers when you must surely have your hands full with your own toddlers.
But then, you did not exactly take a pedagogical tone with the offenders, and you did make it clear that it is for your children's benefit that you want to clean up the playground.
It is not going to work. The days of "Yes, Ma'am, I'm sorry, please don't tell my mother" are gone. You are more likely to bring on the natural reaction to being scolded by a stranger, which will not be pleasant for you or for your children to see.
Miss Manners does not disagree with your taking offense at offensive language. But she believes that your time would be better spent setting a higher standard for your own children by speaking sharply to them when they begin to repeat words that they are bound to hear everywhere.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a college student who will be spending her summer doing Good Work, which is to say canvassing for an environmental cause. This work will involve asking for donations. Unfortunately, I am the first to recognize that this kind of work can quickly devolve into being a professional nuisance, and many people respond (not exactly without reason) to the sight of a clipboard-carrying stranger on their doorstep with dread.
I'm hoping you might be willing to give me some advice on how to conduct myself in a proper manner. I know I will be obliged to pretend to not see people ducking behind their curtains and pretending to not be at home as soon as they see me (having used that ruse a few times myself!) and must always thank people for their time even when I've been cussed out thoroughly, but I'm wondering how to handle trickier issues like forestalling people hostile to my cause from drawing me into political arguments on their front stoop, how to react to having a door shut in my face, etc.
GENTLE READER: Just keep in mind why you pretended not to be at home when you saw clipboard-carrying strangers on your own doorstop. Remembering that it can be a nuisance to be interrupted at home for a pitch, even if it is for a good cause, should prompt you to be grateful to those who listen to you, and tolerant of those who do not.
Miss Manners hopes that the latter will retreat politely. But if doors are shut in your face, you should not take it personally. And if counter-pitches are made to you, political or otherwise, you should avail yourself of the courteous negative response that your targets can use: "Thank you, but please excuse me."
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