Whatever happened to the Wedding Police?
Few besides Miss Manners remember them, but they were a social force in their time. Their job, as they saw it, was to maintain the integrity of wedding customs. Or perhaps it was to entertain wedding guests by mixing some acerbic commentary in with the usual treacle.
Their specialty was to declare whether each bride was "entitled" to wear a white wedding dress. And it didn't take much to be disqualified. The couple having been spotted in a parked car would be enough to put the question on the docket. Having been alone under a private roof for more than a few minutes was sufficient for a conviction.
The verdict had little effect, not only because the evidence was denied -- although the basic premise was rarely disputed -- but also because it was generally rendered at the wedding itself. Even if there had existed a cowed bride who wished to submit at that point, the logistics would have been overwhelming.
Society's change of morals did in the Wedding Police. What fun is it to question the bride's purity, as it was so quaintly called, when her toddler son is serving as best man?
Miss Manners confesses to having cheered on their demise. Her oft-stated position was that killjoys have no place at a wedding, and that the real vulgarity here was the notion that the color of the dress should advertise the history of the body it contained. (Besides, she had long since discovered how much mental and emotional effort one can save oneself by not much caring who is doing what with whom.)
But now she misses the Wedding Police. Not in regard to the original white dress issue, which remains as unseemly as it is hopeless, but to enunciate standards on the real taste issues of weddings.
They have been replaced by those reciting, "It's the bride's day, and she can do whatever she wants." In the absence of a sense of propriety, it has become commonplace for brides to discount parental wishes, demand specific presents and donations of their guests, issue orders to bridesmaids, and repeat the entire pageant at will, with the original or subsequent bridegrooms.
The white dress is still prized -- so much so that pregnant brides often postpone their weddings until after the birth so that they will look slim in the dress, an effect that apparently takes precedence over the legal standing of the child. However, the look has changed. Wedding dresses have become strapless, no longer demure but (redundantly enough) sexy, and topped with tiaras.
And how do we read that symbolically?
The Wedding Police might read it as a combination of Miss America and Queen for a Day -- complete with ladies in waiting and the right to expect obedience and collect taxes. Miss Manners is far too sentimental to think any such thing.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our beloved dog of 11 years died three weeks ago from cancer. His passing left a great emptiness in our hearts.
Our vet thought he was a special dog as well, and he made a generous donation to his veterinary college in memory of our dog. We were very touched by this.
My first reaction is to send a thank-you note, but I am unsure of the proper etiquette. What are your thoughts about this?
GENTLE READER: You go first, please. Miss Manners would like to know what possible reason you could imagine that it would violate either the spirit or the practice of etiquette to express gratitude for kindness and generosity.
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