DEAR MISS MANNERS: We now have the all-time low in tasteless retirement/going-away gifts. I saw a very masculine gentleman "honored" for 25 years of service with a certificate for a facial and massage at a day spa. Our very conservative minister was given a karaoke machine to honor 10 years of service and his departure to a new parish.
Whatever happened to the idea that these kinds of gifts should be silver, porcelain or crystal, designed to last two lifetimes?
GENTLE READER: Oddly enough, what sometimes happens is that the standard corporate present has been dropped in favor of something intended to be more personal. Yet, that attempt, so charming in private life, can be disastrous in professional life, where the individual's taste may not be known -- or may be a vanity that is known, but that the recipient may not be thrilled to have publicly revealed.
Miss Manners' other, perhaps shrewder, guess is that these people are being given whatever happens to be available free, regardless of its suitability.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I need guidance as to whether an ancient rule of etiquette is still applicable in this day and age. Now, I know that your immediate response will be a resounding "Yes!" -- but please hear me out.
I am referring to the rule that says that guests may not leave a wedding reception until the bride and groom cut the cake. I agree that this was a perfectly good rule when the bridal couple used to leave the wedding reception at a decent hour in order to commence their wedding trip.
It seems to me that now that brides and grooms no longer believe that marriage is a prerequisite to having what used to be called marital relations, they are much less eager to commence the wedding trip. They are remaining at the wedding reception for hours on end in order to enjoy the party for which they (or their parents) have paid dearly. The cake remains untouched into the very late hours of the evening.
Please, Miss Manners, may the rules of etiquette be adjusted to reflect that the guests may leave the reception after a reasonable period of time, say, after the food has been eaten, they've danced a dance or two, and they've gushed over the bridal couple -- although the cake is not cut? I am begging for some relief here!
GENTLE READER: Miss Manners resents the assumption that she will defend all ancient rules against reform. It is an essential part of her life's work to guide such change when it is warranted.
However, this does include resisting change that would merely constitute deterioration, such as the common bridal presumption that it is no longer necessary to thank one's benefactors. But your point is well taken.
In fact, it was not just the cake-cutting for which guests were supposed to wait, but the departure of the bridal couple -- many of whom now stay around until breakfast. Miss Manners hereby releases guests who have stayed through the ceremony and the meal or reasonably long reception that follows, lest they begin to despair that they are in for witnessing the entire marriage.
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